Something's missing
by Darkone1
Summary: GS Sara feels like a fool
1. Default Chapter

OK, this is my first CSI fanfic, so please be nice. I think it will be the first chapter of 3, but we shall see ( I know there is another G/S fanfic that uses the song "Love soon" by John Mayer, but this is different ( So I'm sorry to the original author, I'm not plagiarizing!  
  
Something I've realized since the day I came to Vegas is that life will not always go the way we want it to. I mean, who would've thought, 3 years ago, that Grissom and I would be the way we are now. Somehow though, I can't bring myself to do anything more than I've already done. Maybe I'm afraid, embarrassed, who knows? Whatever's wrong with me though, it's really not helping our situation. My internal optimist was picturing us together by now, and happy. Pessimistically speaking though, I should have seen this coming, and I feel like a fool.  
  
My friends say that I should move on, find someone who can deal with caring for me, someone with social skills. Perhaps what they don't realize is this; though I may hide it, I am just as socially inept as he is.  
  
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"Hey Sara, can you turn some music on?" I nodded at Nick as he continued driving to the club. The whole team was going apparently, and so I got dragged along too.  
  
Throughout the rest of the ride, I kept flicking radio stations, as restless in my music choice as in my personal life. I was glad to get to the club, and as I got out of the car, I scanned the dark parking lot. I couldn't see Grissom's car, but that didn't mean much.  
  
"Maybe he caught a ride with Catherine." I winced at Nick's words - partly because I was being so transparently obvious with my feelings, and partly because Nick was probably right, and Grissom was spending time with Catherine.  
  
"Who?" I answered Nick, trying to appear oblivious.  
  
"Yeah right, Sara." Nick smirked at me "I am not that stupid." Nick finished, turning and leaving me standing in the parking lot as he walked towards the club.  
  
"Hey Nick" I called after him. "Nick, wait up!" I called, running after him.  
  
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The club was dark and, as we walked in, I had to wait for my eyes to adjust in order to be able to see the rest of the team. They were sitting in the corner around a large table, talking animatedly. Catherine and Warrick were leaning in close to each other - presumably in order to hear what the other was saying. Greg was flirting with one of the other club patrons, and before I knew it, Nick was walking over to join him. I walked slowly over to the table, trying to find someone to talk to amongst the tangle of people at our table.  
  
Eventually I headed reluctantly over to the very corner of the room - where Grissom was sitting. It's really kind of ironic, and is a great example of the socially inept 'wallflowers', that Grissom and I were the two people to be sitting in the dark corner of a crowded club, while our workmates had fun around us. But that's how it went. Grissom didn't say a word while I sat there, choosing to merely nod at me, and continue his listless staring around the room.  
  
As I had noone to talk to, I soon began to pay attention to the music that was being played by a young woman on the stage at the front of the club. She was holding a guitar and leisurely singing along to her own strumming.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I know you've been sworn  
  
I read your complaint  
  
you're needing someone older  
  
and though I've been warned to live day by day  
  
there's something taking over  
  
did you expect to kiss me one time  
  
while looking at me with the same eyes ever again?  
  
so come on and face it  
  
so come on and face it  
  
it's time that we say it  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The song caught my attention, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that Grissom's attention was also on the music. The song was so representative of how I felt about Grissom, and our relationship that I nearly cried.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
you can cross the line whenever you want to  
  
I'm calling it love soon  
  
close your mind and waste some time if you have to  
  
I'm calling it love soon  
  
it's not about you now  
  
it's what we are  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As the song continued, my stomach started to clench. The frustration of the years previous was compounding, to the point where I felt tears well up behind my eyes. I couldn't look in Grissom's direction, because I knew that he would be looking off into space, not bothered by the words of the song, as they didn't mirror his feelings. I was alone in a sea of pain that I found so easy to ignore at work, but that began to drown me within the confines of a dark, smoky club.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Your mother complains that you need a woman  
  
you haven't mentioned me yet  
  
and all of your friends don't know who I am  
  
I've been your best kept secret  
  
I understand I wasn't part of the plan  
  
a dollar short, a minute early  
  
but I'm your woman  
  
so come on and face it  
  
so come on and face it  
  
it's time that we say it  
  
you can cross the line whenever you want to  
  
I'm calling it love soon  
  
close your mind and waste some time if you have to  
  
I'm calling it love soon  
  
it's not about you now  
  
it's what we are  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I turned my head towards the corner of the room as tears began to spill down my face. I just couldn't stand it anymore. There would be no 'soon' for Grissom and I, which had been made perfectly clear by the succinct 'no' I received upon my dinner invitation to Grissom.  
  
And to make matters even more pathetic, I couldn't get over him. I would spend all of my life alone because I couldn't get over a man that didn't want me. All I could hear in my brain was that simple mantra: "He doesn't want you".  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
let's bypass the bullshit and move on because  
  
the minute hand moves faster than you think it does  
  
and by no fault of yours and by no fault of mine  
  
the bottom line is laying in the bed that we've been playing in tonight  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As my sobbing began to worsen, I knew that I had to leave. His presence and that song. I was dying inside.  
  
I wanted, more than anything, to be wrapped in his arms as I cried, but I couldn't be. I would never have that memory, and I was so jealous of the woman that would. Lady Heather, Terri Miller.  
  
I stood up and walked quickly toward the exit of the club. I had to leave, maybe for good.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
you can cross the line whenever you want to  
  
I'm calling it love soon  
  
close your mind and waste some time if you have to  
  
I'm calling it love soon  
  
it's not about you now  
  
it's what we are  
  
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	2. Chapter the second

K, here's chapter 2 ( Thanks to those who sent feedback about chapter1 ( ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I've never gone after her. That was the only thought that crossed my mind as I watched Sara leave the hellish pit they call a 'club'.  
  
When Sara entered the club earlier that night, I wanted to talk to her, to even make small talk - something, not the strangled nod that emerged through my cloud of fear and desire. She looked beautiful as usual. My Sara always looks beautiful I thought, and then felt like crying because I remembered she wasn't mine. She would never be mine, and it was all my fault.  
  
Sara was interested in me once, and I pushed her away. For what reason, it's hard to tell. Fear - of rejection, of failure, of. Happiness?  
  
I've always been alone, and every time I'm given the chance to change my life, I don't. I've never gone after her - the woman who holds my heart.  
  
So I sat there, watching Sara run away, incapable of doing anything. And then it hit me - I had to move. Sara was obviously upset, and although she may not be interested in me anymore, the least I could do was to comfort her with the love I held, like she had done with me, despite my pushing her away.  
  
As I rose to my feet, Catherine's head whipped around in my direction. The look in her eyes told me everything she was thinking - 'This is your fault - go after her.' So I did.  
  
I stood and ran as fast as my legs could take me, out the door of the club and into the dark carpark. I couldn't see Sara, or much else for that matter, and so I called out to her.  
  
"Sara?" I called into the night. "Sara, where are you?"  
  
The desolate silence was all that greeted me, and a thought popped into my head. She had to be here. Nick had given her a lift to the club, and she didn't have his keys. She couldn't have gotten far.  
  
I headed off in the direction of Sara's apartment, hoping to find her there.  
  
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It took me about an hour to reach Sara's apartment on foot, and I didn't see her anywhere along the way. I couldn't help but be worried about her and wonder where she would be if she wasn't at her apartment.  
  
As I approached her building, I looked up to where I knew her window was. There were no lights emanating from it, and I began to get worried. I climbed the stairs and knocked on her door. No one answered, and I was pretty sure she wasn't inside, and so I walked forlornly down the stairs.  
  
All I could think was what if something had happened to her? We deal with crimes every night, and it is not unusual to encounter an assault on a female in the middle of the night. Logically I knew that Sara could take care of herself, but I was still worried. I knew that I had to search for her. If something happened to her, I couldn't live without her. 


	3. Thirdness

Last chapter. Hope you all liked it :) Thankyou to those who sent feedback.  
  
It was 2am, and I had been out all night, searching for Sara, but it was in vain. I repeatedly berated myself for the fact that I knew so little about the woman I loved. She could have had any number of favourite places in this city, and I knew none of them.  
  
The sense of fear and dread at the thought of Sara being hurt had only intensified, and I was beginning to panic. Where could she be? She couldn't have just vanished into thin air!  
  
I trudged down the street that brought me to my townhouse, head down. I was going to go home and ring around to see if anyone had heard from her, and if they hadn't, I was going to continue searching. When I reached my front door, I unlocked it and headed quickly inside.  
  
As I have lived alone for my entire adult life, I have always been somewhat used to my own isolation. I didn't expect to come home to anyone, and this thought hadn't saddened me until I met Sara. Some nights I would lie awake, imagining what it would be like to live with her, to fall asleep with her, to eat with her, to make love to her. But I would always awake alone.  
  
I sighed and picked up the phone. I had to find her. I had to tell her how I felt.  
  
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After leaving the club, I considered going home. But in the end, what was the point? Noone would be there to welcome me, and it's not like I was going to be able to sleep.  
  
I headed quickly out of the carpark, and towards the dark street. It was headed in the opposite direction to my house. I thought I might find some peace if there were people around, even if they were inside their houses, and didn't know me.  
  
As I walked, I thought about my life. I was so desperately sad. Nothing made me happy anymore. When I came to Vegas, I was happy enough in my life, and even happier at the prospect of spending time with Gil Grissom. I sighed at the thought. If only he would love me back, then maybe my life would seem worthwhile. I didn't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I wanted to be with him.  
  
By this stage it was nearing 1am, and I was exhausted. I looked at my surroundings, trying to work out where I was. I had been walking without paying attention. I started when I realized that I was standing in front of Grissom's townhouse.  
  
A wave of tiredness nearly knocked me off of my feet, and I forced myself to knock on his front door. Maybe he would let me call a taxi.  
  
There was no answer. I looked at my watch again. Surely he would be back by now. He didn't seem too happy in the club. He had to have left. I sighed. Maybe he went over to Catherine's, or maybe Lady Heather's. I started to shake. I was so tired I could barely stand up straight.  
  
I half walked, half crawled around to Grissom's back door and collapsed outside. As sleep claimed me, I managed to hope that I wouldn't freeze to death.  
  
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I felt like punching the wall when I hung up the phone for the umpteenth time. I couldn't find her anywhere. I had called everyone I could think of, and noone knew where she was. I sighed and pulled on a heavier coat, getting ready to head back out to search.  
  
I was mentally mapping the places I had looked for her, and the places I needed to go. I headed towards my back door, planning to head to the back of my property, and onto the streets behind it.  
  
Her face was deathly white and her fingers where blue. Everyone thinks the desert is hot, but it can be very cold too, especially at night.  
  
"Sara." I whispered as I tried to wake her. All I could think was that she could have hypothermia.  
  
Relief washed over me when Sara's eyes fluttered open. She stared blankly at me for a few seconds, and then her eyes grew wide.  
  
"Griss!" She exclaimed, trying to stand up. "I'm so sorry! It was cold, and I couldn't-"  
  
I cut her off. "Hey, let's get you inside before you freeze to death.  
  
Sara nodded slightly, and tried to stand up, only to fall down again.  
  
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I stiffened as Griss picked me up, but quickly snuggled into his chest as he carried me inside. My cold-slowed brain couldn't process anything except the fact that the man I loved was holding me.  
  
When he put me down on the couch, I woke up a little. He had his heating on, and I began to warm up. Griss walked away and returned with a blanket, covering me gently. I could only watch in awe.  
  
He sat down next to me, and watched me. "Are you OK?" He asked quietly.  
  
"Cold." I smiled at him. "But getting warmer."  
  
"Good." He said, smiling. "I couldn't find you." He sighed, lowering his eyes.  
  
"You... You were looking for me?" I asked incredulously.  
  
"Of course I was!" Grissom smiled at me. "I was so worried..." He trailed off. When I didn't reply, he continued. "I know you probably hate me Sara. I've been a total jerk to you. I deserve for you to never speak to me again."  
  
"No-" I stared, but he cut in.  
  
"Sara, I had no right."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sara and I talked for hours. I explained how I felt about my hearing, and all of the issues in our lives. She told me how she felt about my actions. In the end, all was forgiven, and we ended up curled up asleep on my couch.  
  
We would never have to be alone again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It felt so reliving to be able to say that Grissom and I sorted our issues. He does care, he loves me, and I love him.  
  
We would never have to be alone again. 


End file.
